Monday, April 2, 2012
Saturday, January 7, 2012
A Word On OCD
This is a true story, however specific details have been altered.
Stop! Go now! Get out of my head! Around and around I went, trying to eliminate the thoughts. The last seven hours I had spent trying to find an answer to make the thoughts stop, but each time I came close, they began again in another way. I barely left my room, too consumed with escaping the distress in which I was constantly swamped. The pattern of my footfall traced around the carpet amid the many strewn items which I had avoided during my day long pacing session. Each brief moment of calm during the day was interrupted by the thoughts I was trying to avoid, bringing me spiraling back into another several hours of rumination.
I have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. OCD is very misunderstood by popular culture. Most people seem to equate it with controlling perfectionism and hyper-cleanliness. But they have no idea about the anxiety and constant battle with horrible thoughts that drive these behaviours. And for some of us you won't even see our behaviours. I suffer primarily from a variant of OCD known as Pure-O (Purely-Obsessional OCD). This particular manifestation of the disorder is characterized by intrusive thoughts, but no visible compulsions. The compulsions in Pure-O take place mostly inside the sufferer's mind. Examples are spending hour upon hour attempting in vain to find a definite answer to make the anxiety provoking thought finally stop, avoiding situations that make the thoughts arise, critically over analyzing our own thoughts to see if there is any truth in the obsessions, to discover if we really are as they say.
What particularly rubs me the wrong way is the common social idea that "we all have a little OCD", that persists in vain of the enormous effort made to raise awareness of this particular mental condition. If society had a better understanding of the control that OCD has over the lives of those suffering from it, I feel that they would be less likely to associate their own minor quirks with a serious anxiety disorder. I don't mean to rant, but several times I, a 21 year old man, have been brought to tears by people I have met claiming to have this illness and regaling me with their abysmally uneducated idea that their freaking out upon having their 'way of having things' violated is grounds for claiming a potentially disabling disorder. Surely my reaction was uncalled for, but it was the natural response to having someone trivialize this demon with which I have been fighting as long as I can remember.
Imagine an unceasing barrage of repetitive intrusions into your conscious awareness, provoking your innate fight-or-flight response with questions and doubts such as "What if I have harmed someone? What if I will?" or "Is this what I really think? Am I capable of that?" You try to dismiss the thoughts out of mind, censoring the anxiety provoking material–all the while paradoxically ensuring the repetition of these same alien images. This leads you to screen your thoughts and feelings, examining them in minute detail, trying intently to eliminate those that associate with the obsession. This very behaviour of rumination drives the cycle on. You think that stopping the thoughts, or finding the answer somewhere within the question, will release you from the shackles of the spiral, only to find that any release is purely momentary, and the doubting disease quickly captures you again. Soon enough you find yourself so helpless to escape the thoughts that you can no longer stand for simple rumination, you feel like you must escape the root of the problem, which your mind will erroneously associate with the object of the obsession. So you take to complete avoidance of anything slightly connected with the subject material, and this is where you begin to feel isolated and alone, unable to control your thoughts and helpless to escape the psychological prison you constructed as an escape but in which you now spend mental-house-arrest.
This is where I was when I first began to understand the nature of what I was experiencing. After realizing that my symptoms matched OCD, I first spoke to my mother, who was hesitant to acknowledge the idea that her eldest son, the bright and intelligent young man, could possibly have a mental condition. Thankfully I was 19 and free to seek medical advice without parental authorization. A visit to my GP had me referred to a clinical psychologist, whom, after listen to my concerns, and meeting with me several times to hear out my fears and thoughts, agreed that I had Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Over the near two years since first meeting him, I have spent a total of four months in cognitive-behavioral therapy.
Since then, OCD has lost a lot of its power over me and it's symptoms have dramatically decreased. But I still have distressing intrusive thoughts, and high levels of anxiety in response to irrational thoughts. However it was the way in which I view these thoughts that has led to the bonds being broken. If I could say one thing to everybody who has OCD, it would be: Do not give in. This is a battle in which you have innumerable allies, and one that modern understanding of psychology has been able to treat with very high success rates. I don't promise a cure, that would be dishonest. But there is hope for everyone struggling with this condition, and you are not alone.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Why Come Out?
By Fredrick Santos
The question of whether one should openly declare their disbelief in God is ultimately a personal issue, and is up to the individual to decide for them-self. However in this short piece I intend to present positive reasons for coming out as an atheist to one's family, friends, colleagues etc. It took me a long time to garner the courage to out myself to those close to me, who are predominantly of Christian orientation, but since doing so I definitely feel liberated and no longer am I afraid of the potential consequences of openly disavowing my faith. However before I get on to the very good reasons for coming out, first I would like to address the negatives associated with being an atheist in secrecy as well as the negatives connected with coming out.
Perhaps one of the most difficult things to live with as a closeted atheist is deceiving those close to you. You may well have good reasons for not revealing your lack of belief in their God or gods, but I assure you, for most people who have been through this it is anything but pleasant. In my own case the person I had to lie to was my girlfriend. I desperately wanted to tell her that I am an atheist, but the fear that she would see me differently and perhaps leave me was too much to bear.
My fears were somewhat encouraged (mind you not affirmed by any degree) when I first told her four months after the loss of my faith. She didn't take it well. In fact I was so shocked by her response that I recanted and tried to force myself to believe again. However when I again had the courage to tell her that I didn't believe, I stood my ground through her negative reaction, and eventually she came around and accepted it, apologizing for how she treated me.
It isn't only verbally lying that one has to deal with. There is also attending church, joining in group prayers, having to sit through discussions of faith and speak about it as if you still believe. It is very uncomfortable to be in the middle of a conversation about God as a secret atheist.
Not only will the deception be difficult for you to maintain, it will also be a strain on your relationships if you do decide to come out. Nobody likes being lied to, and when they discover that you have been lying to them they will likely feel a loss of trust or a sense of betrayal.
Just like keeping one's atheism hidden, taking the leap and revealing it can also have some negative repercussions. In the United States particularly, atheists are the least trusted minority, according to polls. In some communities religious faith is an intrinsic part of the social fabric in which many people spend their entire lives. It is the unifying element that binds the community together. Some social circles are formed around the common belief in the same faith and these types of friendships can tend to foster an 'us and them' attitude toward non-believers, i.e. saved and unsaved. To out yourself as an atheist if you live in this kind of environment can lead to all sorts of ostracisms and outcasting from the group, loss of friends and criticism behind your back.
That taken into consideration, coming out has its own rewards. It frees you from being in the bondage of living a lie. It frees you intellectually and you will be respected by a great deal more people than the group which threatens you will hellfire or ostracism.
It isn't easy to live a lie, and although you may be afraid of the backlash of being honest about who you are, I assure you that it is much easier to endure the bad reactions than it is to keep up a charade.
There are also social benefits of coming out. Possibly the greatest thing you can do by outing yourself is to raise awareness. Atheism is severely misunderstood, even where I live in London and Australia. The person with whom I share a room had been misinformed that atheists worship the devil (a cliché yes, but he did think that) and that if we don't believe in god then we must first acknowledge that he exists for us to disbelieve in him (an error in logic misrepresenting atheism as an active refusal to believe rather than a simple lack of belief).
It is also important to break the common stereotypes of atheists. For example that we are amoral or that we believe in nothing or that we want to take away people's religious freedoms. None of that is true.
Raise awareness that atheists are equally as moral (and in some cases more moral) as religious believers. That although we don't have any supernatural beliefs (except in some cases, but still no belief in deities) we have a beautiful worldview that recognizes the brilliance and wonder of life and how eager we are to make the most of it in the short time we have, because our lives are so much more meaningful if we make the most of our time on this planet, instead of looking forward to an endless future (a future of bliss that never ends would make any pursuit of happiness in this lifetime truly meaningless). That we seek not to take the freedom of religion away from the faithful, but that we seek to protect our freedom from religion and our right to not have religion involved in public schools and government institutions, as is the central principle of separation of church and state.
Coming out is a rewarding and liberating experience that will encourage people to accept you for who you are and not what you believe (or don't believe) and that will also encourage others just like you and I to take the same steps to living a fulfilling life as an atheist.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
In Memoriam
A Titan fell this Thursday past. Slain by the stone from his proverbial David - esophageal cancer. However in this parable David isn't to be praised. We can clearly see the culture that the David myths represented were a cancer to progressive civilization. Analogous to Christopher Hitchens' struggle with mortality as well as his fierce opposition to backward practices inspired by superstition and medieval beliefs.
But in no way was Hitch to be analogous to Goliath the Philistine whom David slay - Philistine is in literary terms a measure of one's anti-intellectualism - except in the image of the great and mighty warrior. One might say that Hitch, in his fight with both the terminal illness and the disease of faith, embodied this image and took the fight all the way to the end. Even as the closing notes played nearing the finale of his dance with death, Hitch remained steadfast in his stance against religion as well as cancer - reason and science being two of the primary weapons in his arsenal against both.
Christopher Hitchens has been one of the greatest generals in the army of reason, as Richard Dawkins put it 'a valiant horseman'. He has equipped us with the weapons of reason, science, free thought, critical thinking, and courage, even in the face of the unknown. I salute you Hitch.
